Saturday, April 16, 2011

Anarchic Anthropomorphs

If you are like most people, you have probably gone through your life thinking AA stands for Alcoholics Anonymous. You also probably believe everything they tell you, and think society is being destroyed by some political group, religion, television show, or Chuck Norris.

Before you read what I have to tell you, I would like to urge you not to. What I have to tell you will turn your pleasant little world on it's ear. You will ever after be aware of the sinister forces working all around. There will always be reason to fear. So just turn off your computer and go play outside.

Still here? I wouldn't recommend that. I'll only tell you about scary things. Like the news, except significantly less annoying. Oh, and less repetitive... and probably a lot more truthful. So actually you may as well stick around if I haven't scared you off yet. Here we go:

The real AA is Anarchic Anthropomorphs. I haven't yet determined whether AA meetings are just a front for the organization, or if they are entirely separate and just happen to confusingly have the exact same acronym. Regardless, this is the actual group that is trying to destroy life as you know it through subtle manipulation of society at every level.

The human mind likes to think all intelligence at least vaguely resembles it. That's why science fiction and fantasy are filled with strange creatures with societies and thought patterns largely similar to current or past human patterns. This also applies to the animals in our lives, we like to put words in their mouthes and assume they have emotions we can understand.

This is usually a healthy tendency. It leads to creating lolcats instead of fearing the true motives of that furry alien creature you have allowed into your home. But this sort of thing can be pushed too far. You shouldn't anthropomorphise animals that you eat, for example. It's best if you think their primary emotion is a desire to be delicious.

It also should not be applied to inanimate objects. Especially ones that are simply to be disposed of after they have ceased to serve the purpose of holding your fries, like the box in today's picture. Printing text on a piece of cardboard that makes it seem as if it is talking in the first person is just disturbing. These are the sorts of lines that the Anarchic Anthropomorphs cross to influence you with their twisted agenda.

Please join me in opposing this destructive force. Eat cows, they don't think like you, their life's dream was to be a burger. Dispose of your fry boxes improperly, preferably by making a giant tower out of them. Boxes are rarely people too, their commands need not be heeded.

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